A Healing Journey - Ready?
When is one ready for a new relationship after a break-up? Who knows, I believe it is different for every one of us. We each deal with the pain in our own manner. There is no right or wrong way or better than another.
Some rush out and find a new partner to soothe the ache in their heart and prove to themselves that they are loveable, desirable, wanted. Others withdraw into themselves and give in to despair. Some might even never date again. There are extremes on both sides.
For me, it takes time. I feel that entering into another relationship without first processing what had gone wrong to lead to the break-up in the first place is denying myself necessary learning. Doing the same thing all over again is the definition of insanity and therefore not acceptable to me.
Sometimes we fall so in love with a person that our heart overrides our head. I have no regrets but do not want that again. I know that I am able to give love so deep that it can last a lifetime. I treasure that ability more than I can say for it took time to achieve that.
If the commitment is lacking from one or both parties, however, if there is no growth, no pulling closer together, no working together, and genuinely being each other’s best friends, not even that kind of love is enough.
I have amazing friends and family who sincerely care about me and who want nothing more than to see me thrive. In the past, that has meant having a partner. Some think I am ready to start dating again, but I can feel the wrongness of that in my gut.
Somewhere I had acquired the programming that a relationship was necessary for me to be someone, to count. Deep down I felt that without a man I was nothing. My parents would have gladly paid for my husband to attend college but why did I want to go?
No longer! I let go of that program because in my heart and soul I know that I am enough all on my own. I have an awesome life, have wonderful and supportive family and friends. I love working on my books and actually really enjoy time to myself. I don’t need a partner anymore but would like one, someday. THAT is a huge difference!
I loved much of my life with my exboyfriend and will always cherish him. He is my friend, and I am there for him. I wish him happiness and love and that he finds what he is searching for. I wish him everything good. I have mostly accepted that we are over and am working on continuing to let go. There is peace in that.
So back to being ready? Am I ready for another relationship at this point? My gut tells me no. There is work to be done, and I am going through an intense phase of reevaluation and rebirth. I feel vulnerable and raw. It would just be so easy to allow strong arms to hold me and ease some of the discomforts of this growth.
But, would that not undo all that I have so far achieved? Would that not set me back once again? I want to be able to enter a relationship as an independent, healed person able to give and receive love, capable of accepting limitless happiness. I want it to last. I want to be a full partner, healthy and strong, an equal.
My love runs too deep still for the man from my past. How could I possibly enter another relationship feeling the way that I do? I had a dream where I met a loving man, and we started dating. He was respectful and sweet and giving me time.
It felt wonderful and was everything I had ever dreamed of. I was responding in kind until I saw a shadow off to my left emerging from where it had been hiding in the bushes. Suddenly, my attention was entirely on it, him. I never even noticed the other fading away.
As long as I feel that way, it would be unfair to any potential partner. I am not into breaking people’s hearts or leading them on. Hurting another is hurting the self, and I do not want that kind of Karma.
Will I ever stop loving him? No, but with time it will change into the love for a friend. I have turned things over to the universe, to the Divine. I have come to accept the situation. My relationship with my love is over, and the door has been closed, I am peaceful and content, but not ready to start over again.
It is up to each one of us to decide when the time has arrived to start dating again. There is no right way or wrong way. Just follow your heart!
Much love and healing