The Dating Guide for the

Empathetic Person

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Today, I finally decided to face it.  Yes, I am naïve and have a tendency to see the best in people.  Most of the time, I am forgiving and tolerant.  I am relatively good at figuring out, as well as understanding, what makes people tick.  How can I be angry or upset about someone’s conduct when I can sympathize with them?

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One day I realized that allowing behaviors which made me feel bad was disrespecting myself as well as enabling the other person.  We each have a choice, can change, and are responsible for how we act.  We chose how we talk to and treat others.  We decide if we respect another or not.  Few people I know have had perfect parents and an ideal childhood.  We are all human, even our parents, and therefore make mistakes.  Forgiving an occasional faux pas or fight is one thing, but a continued pattern of hurtful or selfish behavior is a red flag and possibly a deal breaker in a relationship.

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If you are anything like me, you have faced challenges with your past partners.  We gave our all, did everything for our mate, but it seemed that it was never enough.  We tried to become what we thought our lovers wanted us to be, to make them happy, make them love us.  Then, one day, we wake up and try to stand up for ourselves, but the pattern has been established.  Our partners are comfortable with it, used to it.  This makes it hard to break.  We need our mate to work with us to make things better, and to our dismay, we are no longer able to give them unconditional love.

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We want them to be themselves but just a better version thereof.  Giving up on our lovers is not easy, after all, we still see them as beautiful people.  We work on staying happy, keeping ourselves up, but it gets harder each day.  The situation is breaking our hearts.  The love of the ‘self’ starts to assert itself and keeps growing stronger.  Time goes on, and the status quo remains.  Our own unhappiness and discontent grow.

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It is not like we find fault with everything about them.  This is one reason it is so difficult to break things off.  The good times, the laughter, the fun, keep us hooked.  We realize, however, that we have allowed conduct to develop which we can no longer accept.  Having grown, we examine our own behavior and take responsibility for the mess we are in.  We realize that no one can do anything to us we do not allow.

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A worthy life partner would be willing to do something to resolve the situation.  They would ask: “What can we do to make this work?”  Some individuals, on the other hand, will feel attacked, judged, and unloved.  They get defensive.  They shut us out, and there is no reaching them.  They want to be loved the way they are but are unable or unwilling to do so.  This leaves no good options.

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Whenever we have started to date someone, there were always red flags.  We just conveniently ignored them.  Why do we have such amazing instincts if we do not listen to them?  Maybe because we were not sure what it is we do want!  Let’s change that today!  The best place to start is by making a list.

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Please remember, we are all human!  No one is perfect.  A lot of conduct will fall somewhere between the two sides of my suggestions below.  It is also vital to keep a check on our own behavior.  We need to give that which we wish to receive.  Let’s be our own best friends and see things for what they are, not what we want them to be!  For once, the rose-colored glasses can stay where they belong until we know for sure that he/she is the ONE!

 

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The one thing I cannot stress enough:  If you are afraid of someone or they are hurting you, please reach out for help and get away from them.  Your life may depend on it!

 

Looking back at my life, I started to see a distinct pattern.  I have decided I will tolerate this no more.  All of us wish to be treated with respect and courtesy as well as love and kindness!  Let’s be done with dating partners who are unwilling or unable to love us!  Today is a new day, and it is time for a fresh start!

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Let’s make a commitment to be better to ourselves, to stand in our power, to love ourselves, and to avoid mates who are unable to love us and treat us the way we desire!  It is time to be compassionate to ourselves as well as to the people we set out to date!

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I hope that my guide will be helpful but is only a suggestion.  We each need to decide what traits in a mate are important to us.  I, therefore, recommend making a list of 10 attributes we desire as well as one which represents deal breakers for us.

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Much love

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The picture behind the table is called "Oceanic Lovers" by Jim Warren.

 

For your convenience, I have added a printable copy of this guide as well as the table below.  

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The Dating Guide PDF                 Table of Conduct PDF